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May 30, 2017 - 139 words
How do I check the status of my domestic claim?
By fucking off. First, try going to our website and discovering that our instructions are out of date. Click the tab that no longer exists. Then fuck off.
What if I need to speak to somebody on the phone?
You can do this by fucking off. Call our number and listen to our automated voice service. Do not become enraged. You can say your tracking number now.
INVALID TRACKING NUMBER. I will connect you to a dedicated service agent. Would you like to speak to a service agent or would you prefer to fuck off?
What if I need to dispute or appeal the result of a claim?
First, you can fuck off. You can file an appeal online or you can fuck off you fucking stooge. Sincerely, USPS