Bummed out and emotionally shut down so I’ll do what I do best and make myself laugh with some bullshit that serves no one. Let’s do it. Let’s do it now. Begin it. It is beginning. Here we go. Meet Dr. Kammiemehx. He’s a great guy, but is he? Not sure. This scene will answer that question, or will it? Good question. Not sure. The scene goes like this.

“GIMME A SCALPEL!” hollered the red-skinned Dr. Kamziemx, not looking up from his work. His hand shot out like a jetfighter’s torpedo but without the roaring sound. He supplied the roar with his voice, which deafened his coworkers. “NOW!! VVVVVVVVVOOVOVOOVVOVOVVVV!!!!”

An assistant, Frank A. Assistant, handed Kamzjhserm the scalpel. Frank was an assistantly-looking man without much of a personality, which is why he was hired. He sighed inwardly though because he had dreams and aspirations too. They would be described in a later scene that was never to be written.

Sweat trickled down like a screeching ocean over Kajzheix’s twitching brow. It poured out over the patient and sizzzzzzzzled. Like cold faucet water run over a red-hot frying pan. A LOUD GROAN emerged from the patient. ERRORS. OPERATIONAL ERRORS.

“FUCK,” screamed Kahzhrekx, hysterical and enraged. What a job! He wished he were being paid for this, which he was, so he did not have much to complain about except for the screaming patient below him. That was a problem. He didn’t know what to do about it despite having attended training that addressed it. He was a fucking impostor and everyone knew it.

“Sir…” attempted an assistant, Shawn B. Assistant, who stepped forward with a hand towel. Hand towels were great. They did the thing they would do without doing what they didn’t do. If you ever need a hand towel, buy yourself one. THEY WORK (this ad paid for by LogicaTowel, inc., a subsidiary of International Communication Dynamics).

“Yes, Steven.” Kahzhhrz frequently and deliberately called his assistants by the wrong names. It was a power move. Kahrhxkz loved power. It was why he had been elected Chief Surgeon 3356 years running. The power he wielded over the Council was insane.

“Try a third corner injection in the right episotemoitical region.”

“Got it. I’ll do it. Thanks. I mean it, man. Thanks. Helped me out of a jam here, is what you did.” Kahzhrhax had no easy time of focusing during this operation. Too many distractions. Lots of voices that weren’t actually voices but sounded like voices. He shook away the confusing babble that clouded his thoughts. When was Quereiel coming home from the jungle hunt? The feast was near. The ritual had to begin on time.

The patient quieted immediately. A silence infiltrated the room like a sinister orc on a stealth mission. All orcs are inculcated from birth to be stealthy, but when on a stealth mission they are nevertheless required to undergo stealth training to increase their stealth rating by a margin of 3.5% per month at minimum in order to meet monthly stealth quotas as outlined in the orc stealth handbook (provided to all new hires; please refer to HR for physical copies of the handbook). We all have a “body clock” that governs a 24-hour internal cycle known as a circadian rhythm. Throughout this cycle, our bodies fluctuate between defending and regenerating our cells. Orcs know this. They rigorously practice regulating their own rhythms to master the art of “body tuning,” a strange and ancient practice dating back to before The Great Schism in 35522.

Orc History was taught to no one because there was no orc history. All orcs lived with the shameful knowledge that their history was repeatedly erasing itself every 3.5 minutes. This accounted for 100% of all orc origins and in order to compensate for their frightening ordeals they often “went rogue.” A rogue orc has a decreased stealth rating by 14.6% (standard deviation of 1.2, given a sample size of 1.2… please see the equation) and double-digit decreases in stealth had undesirable impacts on other statistics, including a 2.5% disapproval rating and 52.6% decrease in seismic faculties, a staggering fault given orc genetics are predisposed to heightened seismic faculties. Refer to Witkins’ brilliant study for more information.

The sales results this month showed good improvement in most regions, exceptions being the regions in which our products were sold. We need to focus on HARD RESULTS, to keep GOOD MOMENTUM in achieving projected targets if we are to succeed. I’d like to ask you to listen to your gut and move swiftly but also utilize the incoming data to continue the positive trend line up into the desired numbers. Looking forward to a great fourth quarter. Paging Dr. Kahrhjxmex. Dr. Kahrhxjx please report to the waiting room. Your party is ready to get the party started mother furfckifhdsohfkljsad flsadf dshafjkhdfetqer