“Now I ain’t startin’ this conversation with a bit o’ dialogue because I want to, understand,” admonished Hem Slonnigum I. “I’m only doin’ it on account of a recent discovery I made about startin’ scenes with a bit o’ talkin’. I find it gets the scene underway without any difficulty.” Hem spooned some soup into his bowl and dipped some Bread into it. Fine countryside supper we got goin’ here as the Storm raged outside. They could hear the wind coming down from the Madman’s Mountains like Jibberjabs in a frenzy.

“Da, I wish you didn’t talk all funny-like,” Hem said to his father.

“Now I ain’t askin’ ya to report on what you think is funny and not funny!” Hem I replied with a bit of authoritarianism!! Hem’s favorite mode.

“Well you’re gettin’ it anyway.”

“HEM SLONNIGUM THE SECOND!!” Hem’s mother, whose name is totally forgotten at this point if indeed she was even given one, shrieked from the other side of the meal table. “YOU APOLOGIZE to your da right this docket!”

“Da don’t get an apology if he don’t deserve one,” retorted Hem, “and from where I’m sittin’ I don’t perceive no place in Assol where he’s gettin’ one from me.”

“Now what’s gotten into you, boy!!” Hem I blasted a closed fist onto the table and caused his Bread And Soup to jitter forth and splatter his face. “AGH! Get out of my face! And your ma’s face! And all our faces just get out of ‘em!!!” He wiped off his OWN FACE and glared at his son who glared back.

“Hem Slonnigum,” his mother seethed from behind her own bowl o’ Bread And Soup. “You been fraternizin’ with the wrong sorta folk. I been gatherin’ from your whereabouts that you just might not have enough work to do.”

THUNDER CRACKED OUTSIDE.

“What’s that supposed to mean, ma? You know I get my chores done same as always.”

“Your attitude is goin’ to get you into some terrible fates, boy,” HEM THE FIRST warned.

“Why’s everyone hafta be so hostile in this house?!”

LIGHTNING FLASHED.

“Now lad, your ma and I have noticed you placin’ most o’ your days with Bram and Crawley. Right friendly boys, I own it, but startin’ here and now we’re puttin’ a limit on how often you slink on off to the Ragged Maiden.” Hem watched his son’s reaction, which was predictably controlled. “And that limit startin’ now is zero.”

“What’s wrong with the Ragged Maiden, eh?” Hem THE YOUNGER kept his voice quiet and calm.

“Now you know’s well as we do it’s not the structure itself we take issue with,” Hem’s ma replied. “It’s a fine building and I even remember when it was built. It’s the owners of that establish we think are puttin’ outlandish ideas in your head.”

“I’ve a mind to go have a lil’ discuss with Blom,” said HEM I. “Methinks he’s been a lil’ too free with his views and lets ‘em fall into the open ears of our town’s youngsters.”

Hem sighed loudly. “This town ain’t the whole world. Someday you better believe I’m outta here.” He grabbed his Bread And Soup and left the table.

Hem I and what’s-her-name looked at each other meaningfully. They certainly blew that opportunity. Truth is they didn’t know what they were doin’.