Link stepped through the forest carefully, noting with a manic grin the mysterious silence. It was too silent. It shouldn't be this quiet. It was deafening. Loud. Too loud. The football in his hands suddenly vanished, and he had forgotten he even brought a football into the forest. I don't even play that sport, Link mused, amused. I hate sports! He shook away the distracting thought, even though he secretly appreciated it, and moved deeper into the woods, successfully ignoring the giant feral bear that was stalking him three feet away. In truth the bear was blind and deaf, because it was only a statue, so Link was in no danger, but he pretended otherwise because it made him feel important. People need me, he thought urgently, clenching his diaphragm with the effort, as much to convince himself as the bear statue, now long behind him.

Bear statues. Planted there by some wily bear. You gotta watch out for bears and their wily ways. No one in Hyrule had seen a bear or even knew whether they were wily, but all the same they filled the history books with ink. Like as not they were leftover creatures of Ganon, victims of some foul dark magic, twisted by haunted powers and made into something new, something bold, something... wily.

Enough of that depressing business. Link was hungry. He ransacked his sack for some food. BRAN-O’s: they were all he had on this adventure. He was so sick of it. He should not have let Captain Voo$uol talk him into letting the Korkor Corporation sponsor his latest journey. Why did he think that was a good idea? He was contractually obligated now to carry these stale flavorless BRAN-O’s along with him. Adventures were big business nowadays. Heroes, walking mountains of money.